Go On and On

Go On and On and On
by Johnny Rustywire

I have been thinking about a dream and a discussion I had with Spirit
Dove, it was about standing with those of our people who died at the
hands of the cavalry, some who were slaughtered and their lives cut
short by hate and ignorance. I see that in standing with them that
there is a link, a tie that binds us to them and that is to survive.


In many of the songs, stories and healing rights, the beautyway
overcomes the plagues, demons and sicknesses caused by desire, greed,
selfishness, and external forces that reek havoc on the human body and
spirit. In thinking this way I think we are tied to the land, to the
world, the spirit of it and so it is a part of us. Sometimes these
forces place us in a position where our spirits desire to leave our
body.


The word survival comes to mind, in the songs, of my own people and
those of others dealt with overcoming our own frailties to restore
balance, harmony and control by ourselves our body, spirit and how we
deal with the environment.


In a real sense, we are here today surviving the last century and the
beginning of new millenium because one of our grandmothers and
grandfathers endured pain, hardship, cold and hunger. I often times
can see them just as if they were here with me and ot just in a dream.
I can not tell you or describe at times the thoughts that come to mind
in the way of living they made when hard times came to them.


In our stories the Twin Heros, Monster Slayer and Child Born for
Water, these two fought creatures who brought death and destruction to
men, but also sought out those beings that are responsible for famine,
old age, hunger, sickness, greed and others. When they cornered them,
these beings said, if you destroy us then men will not know what it is
to know these things. When you look at it, the stories are old and
come from a time when there was not a written language but just oral
history. But yet they persist and some have been lost, but they
continue like us because they have survived. These beings as they were
confronted came forward and said if we are gone then the people will
not know what it is like to have known life, to taste sweetness,
caring, compassion and survival of the body and spirit. We go about
this world confronted on many sides by things that overwhelm the body
and spirit and each of these afflictions is known to each person
regardless of where we come from or our heritage.


Grandmothers, Grandfathers and my grandchildren, Life is about the
bright spirits I have known who knew what it was like to enjoy a
summer day, a cool breeze and life with it's good days and bad. Many,
oh so many are not here anymore. I am not sure why or where they gave
up or had their lives taken from them, but they are no longer here. I
see them in my mind and remember their smiles and good days. When I go
home sometimes I find that more have gone on and they are no longer
here. What is it to survive to overcome our own pettiness and self
doubt.


I have seen death, sickness, suicide, unhappiness, wanton lust,
selfishness, and greed mixed with alcohol, recklessness and despair.
Where are some I have known, and cousins, those that I grew up with,
they are gone, all of them, they live in my stories but they are not
here anymore. I sometimes cry out of loneliness for them, because I
miss them so. We laughed, played and lived together and had such
dreams. Suicide, drinking, car accidents, sickness, and being victims
of violence have taken them all from me.


Shi Dine' nshli', I am Navajo, I have survived.


My hopes, dreams and taste for a better life are all I have to offer
my children. I do not know where they will go and I have not seen the
faces of my great grandchildren but I want them to know that I have
survived for them to give them life and it has not come without it's
price.


Where are these that have gone on before, who suffered so much and now
are gone. Where are their dreams, good days and hopes. They lie in me
and that is why we have to go on, to survive. I would like so much to
have more, to be better off, to know all there is to know, to
experiance life in all places, to see the earth. I think I would like
to see it through your eyes.


It sounds crazy but often I find myself looking at those around me and
wonder how it would be to be them for just a moment. We go about as
strangers to one another but there is so much to see in just one life.
We cannot know what life is about unless we reach out. I am not a
preacher or know about all the things of my people, the legends
stories and practices. They sometimes come to me like a long lost
memory and as I get older I see the value to it all. The thoughts of
survival of the human spirit are eternal, and with it the balance of
life where I stand not above it all, but that the taste of red earth
is in my mouth, that the plants, trees and rocks run with the red of
my blood, that when I speak the I am just one voice and that it sounds
out like a bird taking flight, the sound of a mountain lion, the
squeek of mouse and we go on all of us together.


Where are those hopes for a better life, where is the glory of life,
the beautyway taking the best of life and continuing. It is in each of
us and we have to strive to make life better for us, our family, in
each day as it comes.


In standing with you in your dream, I would tell you if we were faced
with a volley from the cavalry, I would push you and tell you to run,
to live, to go on and speak about life, and tell your children that we
lived so that we may continue on until we are nothing but a thought
and in this we have survived and all those that came before. We have
to go on and we do through you. So take heart, touch your hand and
face and know that all that came before live through you. Take heart,
life and know it's sweet taste and go on and on and on.
rustywire