shearing sheep

On the other boards, I was questioned about what I had done for my
people, rather in light of what I wrote under forgetfullness, that
either I was a complainer, a watcher or a doer. I have received several
responses by e-mail regarding the post and it is based on the climate
of the boards.


One thing that comes to me clearly is that in my family if anyone comes
through our door they are welcome. As we live in a society where we
can't be recluses and having felt the sting of discrimination a time or
two, I have tried to struggle through it. When I was younger my anger
was quick and I wouldn't allow things like mistreatment, apathy, or
patronizing attitudes to go without making some issue of it.


It was not so long ago and at times I still react in a vocal and
poignant manner and though it raises some eyebrows and creates a scene.
Other times the experience stung but I was not in a position to take
issue due to the circumstances.


I remember very clearly a youth of 14 who was advised by the Elks club
boy scout troop that Indians were not allowed there, it was a long
lonely walk home wondering why people were that way. I also remember
not having the money or clothes to match the peers of my school where I
had to hitchike to a dance and after midnight hitchiking home after
everyone left, no one gave me a ride but I went to have a good time. I
also remember eating crackers with tuna fish day after day when we had
nothing else to eat, and a single ear of roasted corn. These things I
remember we all go through them.


The one thing that I hoped to learn as I went through these things was
that when I was an adult that I might keep the mind and spirit of a
child and try to treat kids in a similar situation, to make them feel
at ease without making a fuss about it. In light of these things,
children have come into our home, for a while we had different kids
living with us, some stayed years. We didn't have them by foster care
they came home with my kids. They stayed a night and kept staying. They
are grown now, some have done well others have struggled with the
effects of a broken home, drinking parents and poverty.


It doesn't matter where we come from, the taste of earth put in your
mouth to chew tastes the same wherever you are from. This brings me to
Mudrunner. In all my association with him he has been forthright,
concerned and taken a personal interest in the welfare of our people. I
believe that we have a responsibility to ourselves to educate, welcome
and provide a forum where we can learn and teach at times others who
come to us. This medium is unique because the initial inquiry to get
here is based on an inteterst in Navajos.


Who are we, we are many, all shapes and sizes. We fight, struggle and
go about our lives trying to survive. Shi kaah ahnilyed, I need help.
When I say this I want someone to come forward, when I am wrong then I
need to continue to learn how to act. My behavior is not good for
myself, to you or to anyone. I should sleep with the sheep or dogs.


I believe that for myself, I am not all knowing, but can say, Mudrunner
is not Navajo, and he doesn't have to be. He comes from a place far
from Dinetah, but he wants to learn and in doing so speaks his mind.
Let him talk, if you like what he says, fine, if not then let it pass.


I am so tired of the bickering, the closed society. I remember working
in Window Rock and at the beginning of staff meetings, the older staff
spoke only in Navajo, introductions were just in Navajo, where clans
were given. There was a group of summer students who didn't speak
Navajo, they were embarrassed and made fun of. When one young girl
spoke she was told why even try to talk, if you can't speak don't say
anything. I watched this happen and it was an ugly scene.


I remember another young Navajo who took a pre-recorded Navajo message
with him and learned to speak to the elders on his own, it took him
years of effort, but he learned. His name was Ken White, he ran the
Navajo Aging Program, he had the book learning but not the language. He
had a tough skin but he made it. His family comes from White Cone area,
and I knew his father and mother, they raised him in the right way. I
would only hope that someone might say that about my sons someday. I
hope Mudrunner and all non-nattves, and some of us who are natives have
tough skin, it is like sheep shearing it takes a while to learn how to
do it right, you have to sit in the corral, get all smelly and at times
put up with the shit as well.


rustywire