Wannabe Indian

Wannabe Indian...by Johnny Rustywire

One morning I woke up and got dressed and went to school and found
that I was sitting in class. The books opened and we talked about
Geronimo and his band of twenty or so who fought with the U.S.
Cavalry. I found I wanted to be Apache, and being in the fourth grade
raised me hand and told my teacher I am related to Geronimo. She
smiled at me and said, that is pretty neat.


Her name was Miss Harrigan, she taught me in the third and fourth
grades. She was raised in Pittsburgh and thought snow was black
because of the steel mills made everything that way. It wasn't until
later she learned that snow was white. Sometimes where we are living,
or see or what is there appears to be the way things are.


I found myself saying I am an Apache, and after class walking home I
thought she knows my parents, and she knows I am Navajo. But for a
minute I was Apache in my heart, because I wanted to be a part of the
rag tag band of Indians, who by will power, cleverness and heart
evaded the U.S. Cavalry because they wanted to continue to live in
their own land. To travel as far as any day could take them, but as a
result of the want for freedom found themselves in the deserts,
valleys and wastelands taking themselves their children to harsh
places.


I find myself at times thinking how it would be to be somenone else to
change my life, to take a break but this is not possible.


At times I have wanted to be many things, as a child I had to learn
from those who would take the time to teach me. In some ways I was
ignorant. One time standing in a line to eat at the buffet in Las
Vegas, the Rio, I stood behind a couple of Asian people and asked them
to be sociable, Are you Japanese? There was a crowd of people there.
The lady turned to me and gave me a browbeating that still smarts when
I think about. She told me they were not Japanese, and told me who do
you think I am, I would never be Japanese. She commenced a verbal
tirade on my stereotypical view of the world, that all "Orientals"
were Japs. Both words being politically incorrect. I wanted to find a
crack in the wall and crawl into it. I just stood there and waited to
eat.


I thought about it, I was asked the question to learn a little about
her and her companion. to be interested and maybe to have a little
conversation. I got my head taken off. I was wanting to learn, and as
an individual first, I can see why people sometimes ask foolish
questions, some are offensive. There will always be people who are
genuinely ignorant to the point they make judgements based on
appearance, color, religion, racial classification. I would hope that
I take the time to listen to the same questions that sound ridiculous,
and have the patience and wisdom to speak in a way that will tell then
a little of what I know, which is not much.


I have at times wanted to be more than I am, but find that I too want
to have someone listen to my questions, and tell me a little about
where they are from, their views, their life, the background and how
they live. I am going to Phoenix with my daughter this week. We are
going to look around at bit and I hope that what she sees, and
experiences will give her some insight into the lives, people and the
stories we all have to learn. Yes, I wanted to be Apache, and at times
other things and persons. What would it be like to shed our skin,
gender, station and place to see the other through another's eyes and
feel what they have felt through their heart. I know it can't be done,
but then I still ask stupid questions and sometimes they are the wrong
ones. I hope that I can continue to ask and maybe learn something I
did not know before....rustywire